the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
