New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
