What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
