I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
bring money and cleavage
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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