my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
