Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
