Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize