Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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