So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Randomize
