i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
