found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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