oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
