i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
