No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
