I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
