she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
