Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
