They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
