Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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