There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
