I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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