Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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