You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
