i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
