A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
