Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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