His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
