Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
