Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The uberlube is also flammable
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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