i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
