do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
