hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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