I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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