I can tuck mytits in my pants
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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