So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
