I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
