sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
