Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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