I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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