dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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