Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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