How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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