Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
