There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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