Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i will never coherently bang her
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize