im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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