There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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