Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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