Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize