So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
