I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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