I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
