we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
