Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
