fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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