sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
