I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You can't special order awesome
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm always down for nudity.
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