she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
