And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
