Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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