We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
