so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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