i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
