3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
