My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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