He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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