From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
