My nipple is on Facebook.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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