Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
