Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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