U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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