I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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