but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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