morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
