and she was petting her beer can
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
