There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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