I haven't been this sober since birth.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
