I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
