I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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