I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
