I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Boobs are out for the taking
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
