Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have feelings that need drinking.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize