a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
