I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
