Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
