U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
