girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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