need another drink. this is the easiest way
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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