im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
