Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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