paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
