i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize