If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
