You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
