goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize