It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
