Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
