If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
